‘’It’s easy to know what you want to say, but not
to say it”-Mario Vargas Llosa
In the everyday life I get involved in many
different situations and with completely different people that without any
expectation we have to face. When that’s happening people never get to really
say what they were thinking but get a big frustration instead. It literally
happens after every confrontation or fight that somebody had. Once I leave the
“battlefield” is when a round of thought runs through my mind about what I
could really have said while confronting the other person and but at that point
all left there is to keep walking away.
That is the main reason why I started writing,
because I never got to say what I truly felt or what I was actually thinking in
the middle of a dispute or confrontation. I write when I think something is
being unfair in my life. Any frustrations and desires I have I put them down in
the simplicity but comfortableness of a paper.
I would classify myself as a very shy person. It
costs me a lot to talk to people sometimes and I’d rather be on the side
listening to conversations instead of being part of them, and when I write it is
like having a full conversation with paper. It feels safe and I pour out all I
have to say to the world on my piece of paper drawn with ink.
Mainly how I start my process of writing is
really strange. Usually when it’s a free writing assignment I let my emotions
talk for me. I get mad really easy for no reason. I’m upset almost all the time
and literally my only medicine or what calms me down is writing in a piece of
paper. I let the rage take possession of my hand and start drawing my thoughts
in a really disorganized way. I first have to let everything out without
holding back , it’s like a waterfall , when its descending is strong , really
powerful but once it touches the lagoon it gets calm and starts going with the
flow. And once I finish I throw everything I have into myself to the paper I
start to give it shape and sense so the audience would understand what I am
writing about.
One of my biggest struggles is when the prompt or
the assignment that I have to write about does not get to me, like I do not
feel like writing it because I just don’t feel identified with it .When I
write, I do it because I like it and because I need to feel the necessity and
passion to do it. Otherwise I would write some words that don’t make any sense.
In this case I would mostly try to get myself involved in a situation where I
could be able to understand the prompt and when I get to do it I would write
about my own experience. As an example, if the prompt is “You realize you have
inadvertently become a stalker.” And I don’t really know how being a stalker
feels like nor what is even a stalker, I would look the definition up and then
even if its sounds creepy I would stalk somebody randomly and once I get to the
point where I got the idea of what the prompt is about I start writing about
it.
I have my days where my mind becomes a piece of
wood, no thoughts, no feeling, no consciousness and that’s one of my weakness
as a writer because when I am in those days I find it strongly hard to go back
in the game. In this situation I don’t really know what to do. I kind of wait until
something happens to me that can fuel my desire to write anything, a tragedy or
if I see a girl that I think is really beautiful ,those thoughts can become hopefully
poetry or sonnets . I used to be an old school guy that frequently would write
letters of love to every girl I found attractive and if I get to the point
where I had to ask the girl out or if I have to confess my “love “for her I
would write a lot of poems to try to explain myself, and how much it would mean
to me if they could consent me the honor of being my date. But eventually times
changed and girls wouldn’t find it romantic but cowardly instead which make me
feel disappointment not towards myself, but to the destruction of such a
beautiful art of cortege.
In conclusion, I write because is the only way of
art that I’m aware of, the need of crying out what I really have to say to the
world is fed continuously when I’m writing, and like many writers say, it is
really hard to start writing but once you pass the wall everything becomes much
easier, I like to drown in my writing until my desire is fulfilled. Until then
I would keep taking my mind and putting it to my piece of paper. I write
because I am not able to win a fist fight, but I might bring down countries
with a single pen, one paper and feeling locked up on the deepest part of my
conscience.
