Friday, February 8, 2013

"Mental Warfare" by James Archer


Mental Warfare

Are you free
Or are you trapped
Am I talking to you
Or are you talking back
To the voices in your head
That sews the needle of doubt
Through the quilt of shame and
Dead memories
That you look back on every once in a while
And every once in a while is yesterday
And the day before that.

You’ve put your soft heart into a kiln
Hardening it, so that it won’t break easily
And yet you’re waiting for it to fall and crack and break
Through the abyss of love and hatred
And maybe you think love is hatred
Because each time you’ve loved
You have hated
Yourself
And your head, and your thoughts
And the people all around you who are
Happier than you, think less than you,
Have fewer “tendencies” than you do.

You ache for the pain to subside
Of course for it to have subsided means
For your grave to be filled
as You are choke on the air
You once breathed with happiness
And optimism but now
Your tears are as sour as your soul
And as cold as your heart.

Every time your eyes are closed
You invite the darkness that’s already in your soul
Because you believe that the light is gone
Just like the life you knew way back when you
Never thought about it because you never had a
Reason to break down and
Sink into the floor where you’d become
One with the world and one with the
Blood that your desperately trying to
Stop from giving your life and feelings
Something of better days.

Most of all you write this down for another time
With the scratching of the pen matching the scratching in your
Mind, but you don’t itch it,
Not now, not yet, you’re hoping not yet,
you’re hoping to never scratch the eternal itch
because that’s just war between you and your soul
Your heart and your mind.
That’s just common war among
Rare people with rare self-conviction

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