"Thanks, Grandma!" by Laok

My birthday had just passed and my grandmother had given me a raggedy book about why dating is important. Ok grandma, I get that I’m growing older but I just don’t want to emotionally invest myself into somebody. I’m selfish! Anyway, this was very typical of her. She’s always trying to get me to meet some guy, become star-crossed lovers and get married. Not going to happen, Grams. I obviously wasn’t going to read it, but I do have the decency to write a thank you card at the least. However, I needed her to stop trying to get me to meet somebody, so the only possible way for that to happen was to make a teeny tiny little fib. Here’s how my letter went:

“Dear Grandma, 

Thank you so much for the book on why dating Is important! I’ve definitely changed my perspective on men, which had actually completely changed my life. After finishing the book, I had suddenly become astonishingly inspired to find love. And surprisingly, that’s what happened! Ok, so it all began early on a Saturday morning. I was rushing to go run some errands but wanted a cup of coffee first. I made my way to a coffee shop and ordered myself a cup of bitter liquid. While I was walking out the door of the little café, somebody had bumped into me and made me spill my coffee all over myself. Sticky and angrily, I was about to rage on this person until I was suddenly stunned by his piercing blue eyes that were staring into my soul. Suddenly all of the anger that fulfilled my mind vanished as I was now star stuck by his beauty. It seems that he had also felt the connection as he was completely speechless. It was amazing! It was only then when he swept me off my feet and carried me into the moonlight sky. Yes grandma, the coffee accident was so tragic that it consumed my whole day. Really, it did. Anyway, after having a Cinderella-like moment, we fell in love and eloped. Grandma, I’ve finally found love! And it’s all thanks to you and your amazing gift. If it weren’t for you I wouldn’t be in the infatuating love that I’m currently in. However, my prince charming is immensely shy so you won’t be meeting him anytime soon. Maybe he’ll get over his shyness in about four years or so, but until then, we send out our blessings to you and are forever thankful for your gift of love. Thank you so much grandma!”

Ok, I know what you’re thinking. No, I did not lie to my grandmother. I simply just told a fib. I mean, I will find love one day, just not soon. But until then I think I’ve shrugged off my grandmother’s profound amusement in my love life. I don’t think she’ll be sending me anymore cheesy books about love. And no I did not read the book and no I will not ever read it. I’m actually about to go and donate it right now. But hey, thanks for the thought Grandma.