"My Day as a Dog" by Raekwon Tha Chef

My oh my… that behind on that Rottweiler

I pee on what I want, some call me a colonizer

I chase tails and balls all around the house

But I am not a cat, so I will not catch that mouse

When my human leaves the house I begin to cry out

And on special occasions I will sleep on the couch

I love it when the humans rub and scratch

And the best feeling is finding that perfect patch of grass

Some people say I am the human’s best friend

Because I will guard the house from mailmen to the earth’s end

When I sleep I cannot hold back those innocent toots

And when my butt itches I cannot help but to scoot

In the art of pottey training, I have been tutored

But I am no longer alpha, for I have been neutered

Whenever I roll over, I will receive a treat I have been told

But I always get frostbite because my nose is cold

Sometimes I am punished because I am a dirty slob

But I know my human will always love me, because I am his dog