Friday, January 13, 2017

"Cycle of Tears" by Kelly Shepherd

It starts
One word
One phrase
Or years and years of pressure created by the one
Whos currently cracking
Breaking under the stress it has produced.

The years of As
The years of sticking every dismount
The years of “you are so perfect”
Finally adding up to a young girl

Wanting to live up to the expectations
Wanting to be who they want you to be,
But slowly
Without you even noticing,
They are no longer the ones who want you to be one way or another
It's you.

It’s you
It’s you
You want to be perfect
Because you are used to it
Because without it,
You feel unworthy.

You did everything you could as a child.
Everyone noticed,
You noticed

But now life isn’t so simple,
No longer can you get all A’s,
No longer can you stick the dismount,
No longer do they say “You’re so perfect”

What they don’t realize is by stopping their expectations for you
They are only fueling your own expectations.
You want it back,
You want to hear that you are enough.

But even when your mother tells you everyday that
You are enough,
Even when your Dad tells you everyday that
He is proud of you
You yearn for more

You’ve fallen into the rabbit hole
Surrounded only by your misguided insecurities
And your evil expectations,
You feel alone.

They don’t understand you anymore,
You know in your heart that you’ll feel better if
You just fix yourself and everything you do wrong

You pick up some new habits,
You twirl your hair,
You bite your nails,
You can’t sit still

Your mind is on the run
You never sleep,
Each night your mind brings back every single mistake
Every single word you’ve said

Soon you are filled with regret
For everything you said
For everything you’ve ever done

You cry yourself to sleep every night,
But your dreams are no escape,
You dream of everything that could happen
You dream of deaths
You wake up in tears.

A cycle of tears.
A cycle of pain.

A cycle for perfection.  

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