Friday, January 13, 2017

"Skills" by Bill the Basil Plant

The world in which live, school, has dominated my every moment of my life changing what I do and when I do it.  For me I can easily calculate the rate of change in the surface area of a shrinking sphere, yet I cannot cook a meal.  I can write one mean essay, but I do not know how to ask a girl out.

I wake up every morning to do one thing, study.  I study before school, during class, between classes, after school, and I repeat this process 200 some times a year.  I have no sense as how to live because my life has been dominated by school.  My grades today dominate the future college I attend.  From their careers, the Master's Degrees, family, life, everything.  I understand this is a slippery slope fallacy, but it is true to some degree.  I am applying to difficult colleges to get into, and because of this, I am forced to have my grade excessively high.  If even one class slips my GPA will dip and I may not be recognized.

My entire life I have focused on school and never attempted to have a social life.  This is partially due to trying to live up to my sister who applied and is attending a prestigious university.  I know that I am not as smart as her, yet I have missed a large chunk of time that could have been used for fun.  Instead I have isolated myself with my studies and restricted my social contact.  This is ultimately seen as my “love” life is completely non existent.  What kind of person simply skips over homecoming, and prom? This guy apparently.  I have never asked a girl out and now that I wish to, and have no idea how.  What do I say? where do I begin? I am a senior in high school and by this point most people already have some of this figured out, yet here I am yet again alone on a Friday night with nothing, and few to keep me company.  

The realization has just hit me that I am currently in the end of the beginning of my life and all the things that I have done and are doing are about to be snatched out from under me.  Sports? Gone.  Parents? Gone. Long known friends? Gone.  Life as I know it is about to end and I can do nothing as the endless march of time is infinite and to look too far forward one loses sight of now.  This is precisely what has happened to me.  In school I put on a facade of being confident, fun, and had a full life.  Yet this could not be more false.  I am a afraid to do the most simple things in life yet I can easily lead people and help others with a direct topic.  I am not the person I act like I am and how can others judge me for it?  What can I do to change my life? What can I do to be the person I so often act to be? I don’t know.  

After this my life sounds to be in shambles, but it’s not.  I have an awesome family, a good group of friends, and excellent grades.  Yet, I look around at all the facehuggers in the schools and ask myself, why is this not me? Did I trade my social life for the grades that are just numbers and letters on a piece of paper? I never take my grades for granted as I have worked and continue to work to keep the grades as good as they are, yet I often hear stories and see couples cheating on each other and to think that these people find their relationships so menial is hard for me to comprehend.  This coming from a guy who has been “friendzoned” the only times I have ask any girl out.   

I only wish that everything I want to do and achieve could be done in a short time to allow for time that I can do to learn about anything other than that of school.  There is a running joke in my friend group: Taxes? I don’t know what those are but whoo boy let me tell you all about the Pythagorean theorem.  Sad but true, I know this entire depth of knowledge that I will not likely use unless I go into the field.  Yet, the general things we need to know to survive are either lumped into one class or simply skipped over by teachers assuming we already know it.  This includes everything from Taxes and mortgage to healthy cooking and home maintenance.  I know I have missed out and I can not get those times back.  I know now that I need to live every moment to its fullest and not worry too much about the future.  

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