"Not Quick Enough" by Clumsy

Hands type,

Not quick enough

Feet tap,

Not quick enough

Mind processes,

Not quick enough

Breath quickens,

But not quick enough

Nothing is quick enough.

I hold my breathe and count to ten,

Squeezing my eyes closed

Clenching my hands, leaving fingernail marks in my palms,

Red and bloody.

Why isn’t this working?

It works everytime.

panic, panic, panic, Panic, PAnic, PANic, PANIc, PANIC, PANIC!

I want to rip my hair out,

So I try,

I want to bite all my fingernails off,

So I try,

I want to cry my eyes out,

So I try,

I want to scream at the top of my lungs,

So I try

But trying isn’t enough

My hair is glued onto my head,

My fingernails grow back instantly,

My eyes have infinite tears,

My voice box is broken, leaving me screamless

Please help me.

My heart races,

Too fast.

My face reddens,

Too fast.

My life flashes before my eyes,

Too fast.

Everything is happening too fast.

Clara talks,

Bill yells,

Julie  laughs,

Anna dances(awkwardly),

Evan jokes,

Too many distractions, I can’t focus

I can’t take it,

I can’t breathe

I can’t stop,

I can’t, I can’t, I can’t

You know how it starts,

You know how it goes,

But you don’t know how it ends,

It doesn’t.

Anxiety never ends.

Pills,

Doctors,

Friends,

Family,

Support systems.

Smile and pretend it helps,

Laugh and pretend it’s okay,

Bite your tongue, stop the tears,

Hold your breath and count ten.

Then it starts all over again.